January 17, 2012

Why I'll vote Mitt and you should too.

I'm prepared to receive a certain amount of backlash in the coming months. I'm sure I'll hear things like you just don't know who else to vote for - or - you put no real thought into this at all. I'm not political, so let's not pretend like I am. I get most of my information from Twitter. Or Colbert. Or I will occasionally watch debate clips the next day online. I'm not a total idiot. Anyway, the information I've collected so for in support of Mitt is rock solid. So don't you tell me I haven't put any thought into this, pffft.


He is 65.
But he only looks 45.

He doesn't waste his time on stupid questions. 
When asked if he would support a law to ban contraception he replied, "Contraception, it's working just fine.  Just leave it alone." Good answer.

He instills confidence. 
If he's nervous on the inside, he doesn't show it on the outside. I trust him like I trusted Liam Neeson in Taken.  That's the kind of guy who should be leading the free world.

Foreigners will love him!
He looks more Presidential than any actor in any movie ever did. Not even Harrison himself could achieve such perfectly salted sideburns.

Shock factor. 
What's more shocking than a black president named Barack Hussein Obama? A Mormon one named Mitt!

They're, like, totally in right now!

He's not in denial. 
He is the only Republican candidate who believes in man-made global warming, which leads me to believe he's the only candidate who has watched at least 1 of the available documentaries on Netflix.

We need an intimidating president.
He has perfected the "I think you're a huge idiot, but I'm going to pretend like I'm listening" grin. When executed just right this technique is extremely intimidating, but when he adds his signature "You can't be serious" chuckle, it. is. deadly.

He's just like the rest of us. 
See, he tweeted a picture of himself flying coach to prove it:

Speaking of Twitter...
Mitt's latest: The President has run out of ideas. Now, he's running out of excuses. And 2012 will be the year he runs out of time. That's poetry right there.

He speaks French. 


That's all I've got so far.


  1. Here Here! Speaking of Harrison, have I told you that I think harrison Ford is the celebrity Elna Baker made out with? I'm sure of it. I am.

  2. I love this. Meet you this weekend! -Michelle Burnett.

  3. I need you to write an acrostic poem about Mitt Romney. Stat.

  4. I laughed. Hard. But I'm more excited to SEE YOU!!!! T minus 2-ish days!

  5. Dis da bomb. He's the Ken of presidential candidates circa 2012. He's that guy I wouldn't ever want to hang out with because I would always be wondering whether his grin is real or if I'm just being a huge idiot, but honestly, that's a must-have attribute for a president. Come work in our Mitt call center!

  6. I think Bill Pullman made the perfect president. I'm voting for him

    1. I'm voting for Romney....can't stand another 4 yrs. of obama.....