September 10, 2011

A few things I've learned about New York

(Alternately titled "I have a lot to learn about New York")

1.  A status update from today: "Apparently gas stations in New York offer only car related things and services like oil changes, etc. So I walk in and scream WHAT IS THIS PLACE?! ALL I WANT IS A DIET DR PEPPER ON ICE!"  What this means for me is that I can no longer use getting gas as an excuse for a fountain drink.  (I would fill my car with gasoline and at the same time fill myself with carbonated poison!  It was poetic, really.) I can get my hands on a Big Gulp at the gasless 7-ELEVEN in town, but then I'd be making a trip solely for a fountain drink and/or to get mugged... as you can see, it's a very difficult time in my life.

2. Long Island has 7,568,304 people and 10 Walmarts.  Utah County has 516,564 people and 8 Walmarts.  EXPLAIN THIS.

3. I should never go back to a NY Walmart unless I want to get an STD and/or mugged.

4.  The candy selection sucks everywhere.  The candy "aisle" usually consists of 2 bags of Skittles and a half-eaten box of Jujyfruits.   I mean, come onnn, what are these people addicted to?! Drugs?!... that makes sense, actually.  If I don't get my hands on a box of Wonka Bottle Caps and an icy Diet DP soon I'm turning to crack.

I don't want to talk about it anymore.  I'm going to bed.

Before I go, I should tell you that it's my birthday. If you didn't send me anything your guilt is eating you alive right now. So go fill a box with Bottle Caps and send it my way.  I might forgive you for neglecting me if it's here by next Wednesday... might.


  1. I didn't realize it's your birthday. For some reason I thought it was on Sept. 11. But if you're birthday isn't on 9/11 then why does that date sound so familiar to me? Hmmm...
    California walmarts were the same story. I never thought walmart was that great until I saw how terrible they could be. Also, all the checkers were 60 year old immigrants. It took FOREVER to check out! Post more post more post more!

  2. Send me your address and I will send you some bottle caps!!! Miss your face and can't wait to visit or you visit!

  3. You need to check out Harmons- a random mix of items in a store that's a mix between Dollar Tree and CVS. But better than both. Get many varieties of candy, as well as all of your much needed as-seen-on-tv items. It's in the shopping center where you can 1-go to My fave pizza joint, order 2 slices of Crispino and get a DP out of the fridge (not the fountain unless you like root beer), head to harmon's for a bag o candy, then down the road to eat and watch people play volleyball. Katelin's LI Wednesday night: check.

  4. I saw you were following me on twitter. I'm not sure what your connection to me is but I'm cool with strangers. Unless they invite me into weird abandoned subway tunnels. I only fall for that fourteen or fifteen times.

    I like blogs though. Keep posting. You're pretty funny. My blog is It's mostly about strangers inviting into abandoned subway tunnels.