I will never.

1. I will never run a marathon.

It's never going to happen, people. I've come to terms with it.


2. I will never steal your iPhone... or your wallet... I won't steal anything from you that costs more than $2.

What kind a person sees another person's iPhone and says "Oh goody! I'll take that!" - a heartless person, that's who.


3. I will never care about BYU Football.

Sorry.


4. I will never allow the head of a dead animal to be mounted on my wall.

Never ever.


5. I will never own a cat.

Unless it's Taylor Swifts cat's.


6. I will never kidnap Taylor Swift's cat.

But I'm not making any promises.


7. I will never commit to blonde.

I like it, but... I get bored. Plus, red hair is AWESOME.


8. I will never be that person who shaves her legs every day.

What kind of life is that?


9. I will never spell my child's name any way other than the most common way.

It's that simple. Just like spelling should be.


10. I will never say never, nevah, nevah...

Thanks, JB.

yes to cities

I'm a city lover!  It's true - I love them and they love me. Woodsy vacations tend to make me irritable and... sluggish? But cities?! Oh, the bustle! (It feels wrong to exclude hustle...) Culture is where it's at!

Long Island is nice enough, but by the time Friday rolls around Francis and I are ready for some city! That's my car - and yeah, we drive all around like it's nobody's business cuz we tuff like that... yo. This past weekend was a little hilarious and a lot awesome, but first things first - city pictures!

View from the bosses office by day...

And by night.

Fall. FALL. FALL!!!

Sat: I successfully parked Francis and subwayed on down to Brooklyn, where I met up with some great people who invite me to great things like historical walking tours.  This particular tour came with a complimentary meat pie, so yeah... that was pretty great as well (I love meat pie). A lot of greatness going on, basically.
After our tour we went to dinner at Scarpetta. This is the only picture I got (calamari fries!) because no one wants to feel like a tourist, and I feel like a fatso tourist when I take pictures of food in classy, dimly lit restaurants. I'm being completely serious when I say - food that good has never before been anywhere near my mouth.  I went into shock for awhile because the pumpkin pasta was too much for my inexperienced palette to handle. This next part was a true *November-day miracle: my friend's boss is the owner/chef (also, a judge on Chopped!), so everything was "complements of the chef!" I have always wanted to hear those words. November is amazing.

But wait, there's more! Then I went to THIS for a little while, which is funny because I don't know any of those people.  But I've read Nat's blog for a few years and she invited NYC readers, so I said to myself "yes!" Saying yes is something I do in November and it leads to cool things.  I'm starting to wonder why I save all my cool "yes" experiences for November...

This is me wondering how it's possible
that this is the 3rd longest escalator I've
ever escalated and yet NYC can't seem to
put stadium seating in their theaters.
How those two things are connected
I don't know, but it upsets me greatly.

As I drove past Lincoln Square on my way home I noticed an empty parking spot smack dab in front of the movie theater. (Street parking, people! It never happens!) I took that as a sign that I should say yes to a 10:20 movie.

And that's what yes can do in one day.

If you live in a city.

Juuust jokes, November-day miracles have no boundaries! But I prefer city miracles... just saying.

(The meat pie totally counts as a miracle.)

*November-day miracles defined:
Daily miracles that come to those who seek them. They are big or small, or whatever you want them to be. The big things tend to happen when you say yes to new things, and November always brings a lot of opportunities to say YES. Yes!

A few things I've learned about New York

(Alternately titled "I have a lot to learn about New York")

1.  A status update from today: "Apparently gas stations in New York offer only car related things and services like oil changes, etc. So I walk in and scream WHAT IS THIS PLACE?! ALL I WANT IS A DIET DR PEPPER ON ICE!"  What this means for me is that I can no longer use getting gas as an excuse for a fountain drink.  (I would fill my car with gasoline and at the same time fill myself with carbonated poison!  It was poetic, really.) I can get my hands on a Big Gulp at the gasless 7-ELEVEN in town, but then I'd be making a trip solely for a fountain drink and/or to get mugged... as you can see, it's a very difficult time in my life.

2. Long Island has 7,568,304 people and 10 Walmarts.  Utah County has 516,564 people and 8 Walmarts.  EXPLAIN THIS.

3. I should never go back to a NY Walmart unless I want to get an STD and/or mugged.

4.  The candy selection sucks everywhere.  The candy "aisle" usually consists of 2 bags of Skittles and a half-eaten box of Jujyfruits.   I mean, come onnn, what are these people addicted to?! Drugs?!... that makes sense, actually.  If I don't get my hands on a box of Wonka Bottle Caps and an icy Diet DP soon I'm turning to crack.

I don't want to talk about it anymore.  I'm going to bed.

Before I go, I should tell you that it's my birthday. If you didn't send me anything your guilt is eating you alive right now. So go fill a box with Bottle Caps and send it my way.  I might forgive you for neglecting me if it's here by next Wednesday... might.